In my last column, we looked at the crucial role of communication in building strong bonds of unity in marriage. Let’s continue, now, by looking at five key areas where these bonds of unity must be built.
They are:
- Spiritual Unity
- Emotional Intimacy
- Companionship
- Teamwork
- Sexual Intimacy
First, notice the order in which these five areas of unity are listed. That is essential because each one builds upon the others. Spiritual Unity is the first building
block, because it is the foundation for a good marriage. Love and truth enable us to develop bonds of faithful love with one another. Research has shown that couples who actively participate in some form of spiritual worship together have the greatest likelihood of maintaining a love that will endure.
Emotional Intimacy is the second building block of unity. Women often state this as the greatest unmet need in marriage and, likewise, report that the quality of their sexual intimacy is directly related to their emotional attachment with their husbands. Emotional connectedness is just as important for men. Research shows that men and women both are healthier and happier in marriage when they feel emotionally bonded to each other and trust enough to share their emotional needs and experiences.
Companionship is the third building block of a healthy marriage. Many of us get married in order to have a life-long companion, someone with whom to share
life’s ups and downs. Companionship is built by enjoying time together, whether in work, play or simply relaxing together at the end of the day. Notice the emphasis on “enjoyment.” Companionship develops through shared experiences of joy. Are you happy to be around each other? Do you greet each other with a smile? Are you able to be yourself around your spouse? These are all good measures of evaluating this third area of unity.
Teamwork is the fourth key area of marital unity. This involves cooperating together so that your unique ways of seeing and doing things can be unified. How united are you when you have problems to solve or decisions to make? How well do you cooperate in budgeting and parenting? These issues can create huge problems in marriage until we learn how to develop teamwork. To do this we need to let go of our selfish agendas and find ways to build unity of purpose and cooperation.
Sexual Intimacy is the fifth key area of marital unity. Notice it is listed last, because it represents the culmination and full expression of unity in marriage. Passionate intimacy in the bedroom is built squarely upon the other four areas. Giving ourselves to our spouse, body, soul and spirit, is much more satisfying when we feel emotionally and spiritually connected. Do you notice how hard it is to be physically affectionate with one another when you are not enjoying each others’ company outside the bedroom or when your teamwork is out of sync? We need to develop these first four areas of unity first, and then physical love-making becomes deeply satisfying for both husband and wife.
Before we can build these five areas of intimacy, many of us have hurts that need to be healed and differences that must be reconciled. In my next article, I’ll share about the topic of healing and reconciliation in marriage.
Bob Schuchts, Ph.D., is the founder of the John Paul II Healing Center in Tallahassee. Fla. Visit JPIIHealingCenter.org for information about seminars and events.
