by Lauren Book and Tara Zuckerman, Psy.D.<\/p>\n
The beginning of a new school year can be very exciting with new teachers, new classmates,\u00a0new opportunities and a new environment. Unfortunately, it can also mean new\u00a0opportunities for children to come into contact with sexual predators.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s tough to consider but, amid all the good things happening with the start of school,\u00a0parents should arm themselves with some tips and tools to ensure their children are as\u00a0safe as possible entering the new academic year.<\/p>\n
Below are six back-to-school tips to help parents feel educated and prepared, rather than\u00a0afraid.<\/p>\n
We know that 90 percent of the time a child is being\u00a0harmed, it\u2019s at the hands of someone they and their parents\u00a0know and trust. This extends, sadly, to teachers, coaches,\u00a0school volunteers and the adults in a new school friend\u2019s\u00a0family.<\/p>\n
DON\u2019T:<\/strong> Warning children about \u201cstranger danger\u201d is antiquated\u00a0and misinformed. Strangers are rarely the perpetrators of child\u00a0sexual abuse.<\/p>\n DO:<\/strong> As new adults in positions of authority come into a child\u2019s life\u00a0with the start of the school year, it\u2019s more important than ever for\u00a0children to have open communication with the trusted grown-ups in their life.<\/p>\n 2. Use the right words.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n The words we use, particularly with children, have implications\u00a0for what kids understand and respond to. It\u2019s critical\u00a0that parents choose language that allows children to express\u00a0themselves without fear of judgement.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T:<\/strong> \u201cGood\u201d and \u201c bad\u201d are words fraught with implications\u00a0for children who want to please. Like stranger danger,\u00a0\u201cgood touch, bad touch\u201d are old and ineffective terms to use when\u00a0talking with children about sexual abuse.<\/p>\n DO:<\/strong> Parents should talk with their children about \u201csafe\u201d and\u00a0\u201cunsafe\u201d feelings, touch and situations. Just like crossing the road\u00a0or not touching the stove when it\u2019s hot, \u201csafe\u201d and \u201cunsafe\u201d allow\u00a0children to understand a situation without concern about punishment.<\/p>\n 3.<\/span><\/span> Pick up from a new friend\u2019s house the right way.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n With the new school year comes new friends, which means\u00a0playdates and sleep overs at new homes. How a parent handles\u00a0these moments in time can make all the difference in\u00a0whether a child is able to share feelings and concerns.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T:<\/strong> When picking up a child from a friend\u2019s house, it\u2019s common\u00a0for parents to ask children if they had a good time in the\u00a0presence of the other parents. Or worse, instruct their child to tell\u00a0to the other parents that they had a good time.<\/p>\n DO:<\/strong> It\u2019s better for parents to offer their own thanks for the invitation\u00a0and then open a dialogue with their child when they are\u00a0alone together.<\/p>\n If indeed something occurred at the friend\u2019s house, a child\u00a0is not going to be able to acknowledge it in the presence of\u00a0the friend\u2019s parents. And, once they\u2019ve told everyone that\u00a0they had a good time, the child will be hesitant and afraid to\u00a0contradict that for fear of telling a lie.<\/p>\n 4. Keep an eye on sports activities.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Sadly, there is regular news around the country about\u00a0coaches taking advantage of the student athletes in their\u00a0care. Child predators are very skilled at \u201cgrooming\u201d their\u00a0victims, so watch adults who go out of their way to treat a\u00a0child as special through presents and compliments.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T:<\/strong> Be aware that grown-ups who regularly isolate children\u00a0for special tasks or extra training may be looking for abuse opportunities.\u00a0There may be physical contact in the form of hugging,\u00a0tickling or wrestling as a sign of affection and, if the activity is\u00a0allowed, the behavior can then progress to increasingly intimate\u00a0acts.<\/p>\n DO<\/strong>: Talk to other parents about their experiences as part of the\u00a0team and attend sporting events in which your child is participating.\u00a0On occasion, show up at a random practice early or late\u00a0and observe the team dynamics. If a child has a sudden aversion\u00a0to participation in a sport, engage them in conversation about\u00a0why they feel that way rather than pushing them to stick to it.<\/p>\n 5. Create a Trusted Triangle.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Talking with children about sexual abuse can be daunting\u00a0for parents. Just acknowledging the possibility can feel\u00a0terrifying. But there are ways to broach the subject in a way\u00a0that\u2019s comfortable for everyone.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T<\/strong>: Just because they themselves are uncomfortable with the\u00a0discussion, parents can\u2019t take a pass on the opportunity to provide\u00a0their child support and guidance in owning their own \u2018safe\u2019 and\u00a0\u2018unsafe\u2019 feelings.<\/p>\n DO:<\/strong> Parents can choose an activity that allows discussion to occur\u00a0in the course of completing the activity together. One of Lauren\u2019s\u00a0Kids favorite activities is the Trusted Tringle.<\/p>\n Have the child draw a triangle with their name in the center.\u00a0At each of the points, the child then writes the name or\u00a0draws a picture of a grown-up that they trust and can talk\u00a0to about anything, whether it\u2019s a bad dream, a fight with a\u00a0friend, or a touch that makes them feel not quite right. Be\u00a0sure the adults identified are old enough to drive a car, and\u00a0that at least one person in the Trusted Triangle is not a family\u00a0member.<\/p>\n Tell the child that if something or someone makes them\u00a0feel unsafe or not quite right, they should tell someone in the\u00a0Trusted Triangle. They should know to keep telling someone\u00a0until they feel the two H\u2019s: Heard and Helped.<\/p>\n 6. Ask the right questions.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n Even with surly teenagers, it\u2019s critical to keep the lines of\u00a0communication open. Back to school is a hectic time with\u00a0everyone getting back into a regular routine and, in the\u00a0midst of the chaos, it\u2019s even more important to make time\u00a0for conversation.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T:<\/strong> It\u2019s easy to make a habit of asking \u201cHow was your day?\u201d\u00a0after school while in the midst of checking email or making dinner.\u00a0Questions like this, particularly when accompanied by distracted\u00a0listening, signal to a child that the parent really doesn\u2019t want to\u00a0know more than the surface detail. It\u2019s the equivalent of adults\u00a0casually asking \u201cHow are you?\u201d without really expecting an honest\u00a0answer.<\/p>\n DO:<\/strong> Children (and teenagers!) love to be asked open ended questions\u00a0and actively heard. Questions might include \u201cTell me about\u00a0your classroom. Who do you sit with? What do you like about your\u00a0teacher? What good thing happened today? Did anything unsafe\u00a0or scary happen today?\u201d and \u201cWho are the trusted adults at your\u00a0school?\u201d<\/p>\n And then parents should be quiet and listen. Children are\u00a0aware when they are being actively heard and will open up\u00a0more when they feel valued and understood.<\/p>\n Lauren Book, M.S. Ed., is an author, educator and internationally\u00a0respected and renowned child advocate. As founder and\u00a0CEO of Lauren\u2019s Kids, Lauren seeks to create a world where the\u00a0exploitation of children is not tolerated.<\/em><\/p>\n Tara Zuckerman, Psy.D., is a licensed psychologist and South\u00a0Florida native. She specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders,\u00a0autism spectrum disorders and attention deficit disorders.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Lauren Book and Tara Zuckerman, Psy.D. The beginning of a new school year can be very exciting with new teachers, new classmates,\u00a0new opportunities and a new environment. Unfortunately, it can also mean new\u00a0opportunities for children to come into contact with sexual predators. It\u2019s tough to consider but, amid all the good things happening with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":465,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","footnotes":""},"categories":[38,72],"tags":[245,247,40,200,246],"class_list":["post-836","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-self-help","tag-abuse","tag-awareness","tag-child","tag-parenting","tag-sexual"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/836","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=836"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/836\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":837,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/836\/revisions\/837"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/465"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=836"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=836"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=836"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}