by Mara McElroy Spencer<\/p>\n
It\u2019s so hard to leave your child in someone else\u2019s care. It\u2019s\u00a0even harder when you go to pick up your child and they\u2019ve\u00a0been injured. Bitten by another child! How did this happen?\u00a0Were they being properly supervised? How was the other\u00a0child disciplined? Will my child be bitten again? Now imagine\u00a0that your child, with whom you have worked so hard\u00a0to instill love and respect of others, is the biter! So many\u00a0parents have come to me discouraged with their toddler\u2019s\u00a0aggression. Most don\u2019t understand why this is happening.\u00a0Others would love to blame it on the school, except they\u2019re\u00a0biting at home too. What every parent needs to understand\u00a0is that a toddler\u2019s biting and aggression is completely developmentally\u00a0appropriate and, in most cases, solves itself in
\ndue time with the help of their home and school families.<\/p>\n
WHY?<\/strong><\/p>\n There are a number of reasons why your toddler may be\u00a0biting. The most common reasons in a preschool setting are\u00a0simply frustration and self-assertion. Your child sees a toy,\u00a0but Billy has it. He doesn\u2019t have the language skills to ask\u00a0Billy for the toy, so he bites Billy and takes the toy. In their\u00a0eyes, it\u2019s the simplest way to get something they want. Although\u00a0this may seem cruel to an adult, that is not the child\u2019s\u00a0intention. At this age they are entering into a very egocentric\u00a0time in their developmental growth. The child is only\u00a0worried about things that affect him directly and does not\u00a0realize how his actions may impact others.<\/p>\n Other reasons for the aggression include cause and effect,\u00a0and mimicry. Your child may have figured out “when I hit\u00a0Julie, she lets out this funny yell and starts to stomp her\u00a0feet.” The child has learned that he can affect his own world!\u00a0Along the same lines, we\u2019ve all heard of \u201cmonkey see, monkey\u00a0do.\u201d As parents and caregivers, we are always careful to\u00a0model good behavior, but that\u2019s not the case for toddlers. If\u00a0your child sees another child bite, they may want to see if\u00a0they can have the same effect.<\/p>\n Lastly your child may be biting because of simple explanations\u00a0such as teething and sensory exploration. Everyone\u00a0knows that if a toddler sees something new, it\u2019s headed\u00a0straight for the mouth. And have you ever experienced your\u00a0wisdom teeth coming in? How painful! Imagine a 2-year-old\u00a0feeling that pain. Chewing on something, even a friend,\u00a0relieves pain.<\/p>\n WHAT CAN WE DO?<\/strong><\/p>\n Although biting and aggression are age-appropriate behaviors\u00a0that can occur in the toddler classroom, there are\u00a0things that we can do to curb the likelihood of these events.\u00a0We start by building strong connections. If the child is connected\u00a0to their caretaker and peers, they are more likely to\u00a0naturally develop a sense of empathy early in toddlerhood.\u00a0We can point out the look on the other child\u2019s face. Look at\u00a0Billy\u2019s face! He is saying, “Ouch that hurt! Touch me gently.\u201d\u00a0Connection is key for the child to have an intrinsic desire to\u00a0change their aggressive behaviors. Remember the cause and\u00a0effect reason for biting? If a child is connected to their peers,\u00a0seeing their friend hurt and hearing their cries will actually\u00a0bring them displeasure and become a natural consequence It is also important for the parent or teacher to discover\u00a0which reason the child is biting by shadowing the biting\u00a0child and figure out the whens and whys. Sometimes,\u00a0there are heavy bouts of aggression during certain times of\u00a0the day, such as transition times or just before lunch. This\u00a0would be a great time to engage the child in an activity, like\u00a0a song or finger-play, while\u00a0transitioning. Children at\u00a0this age need a visual when\u00a0learning new routines and\u00a0vocabulary. Setting the classroom up for success requires visuals\u00a0for all routines and transitions. Show them a picture\u00a0of properly asking a friend for a turn. Teaching the sign for\u00a0“turn” helps too. Show them pictures of gentle touches. Use\u00a0these pictures to add to the empathy steps above. Say \u201cLook\u00a0at Billy\u2019s face! He is saying ‘Ouch! That hurt! Touch me gently.’\u00a0Like this.” Then show the picture.<\/p>\n For most children, the biting is occurring out of frustration\u00a0and self-assertion, and therefore they must be taught\u00a0appropriate ways to express themselves. Teaching the child\u00a0words such as \u201cmine\u201d may seem selfish to an adult, but are\u00a0useful tools for toddlers to express themselves. I teach all\u00a0toddlers the word and sign for \u201cturn.\u201d When a child asks for\u00a0a turn, we immediately give them one to teach them words\u00a0have power. The most important step to curbing these behaviors\u00a0is to practice. The best time is when your child is\u00a0happy, content and playing nicely. Show him how to use his\u00a0words or signs for a turn, and how to handle being upset\u00a0when someone takes a toy. Practice those gentle touches and\u00a0praise the child when they are playing nicely. \u201cYou did it!\u00a0You gave Billy a turn with the truck! That was so kind!\u201d<\/p>\n Always remember that children are modeling your behavior.\u00a0Never bite your child to show them how it feels! Your\u00a0child is in his or her world and can not transfer his emotions\u00a0to someone else. In other words they don\u2019t understand \u201cif it\u00a0hurt me, it will hurt Jenny.\u201d Never punish your child later for\u00a0a biting or aggression incident that happened earlier in the\u00a0day. It is important at this age to deal with the incident immediately\u00a0so that they fully understand the consequences of\u00a0their actions. Although we want to make it clear that biting\u00a0is never acceptable, we need to do it right after the incident\u00a0so that the child knows exactly what act they are being disciplined\u00a0for. Above all, remain patient! Be confident in the\u00a0fact that your child\u2019s biting and aggression is developmentally\u00a0appropriate and, if handled correctly, will soon pass.<\/p>\n Mara McElroy Spencer is the\u00a0owner and director of Ivy\u00a0Hill Academy in Tallahassee<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Mara McElroy Spencer It\u2019s so hard to leave your child in someone else\u2019s care. It\u2019s\u00a0even harder when you go to pick up your child and they\u2019ve\u00a0been injured. Bitten by another child! How did this happen?\u00a0Were they being properly supervised? How was the other\u00a0child disciplined? Will my child be bitten again? Now imagine\u00a0that your child, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":738,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_cbd_carousel_blocks":"[]","footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[192,191,195,196,193,194],"class_list":["post-737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-health","tag-ages","tag-bite","tag-biting","tag-preschool","tag-stages","tag-toddlers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=737"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":739,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/737\/revisions\/739"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/tallahasseefamilymagazine.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nfor their actions. At my school, we work very hard at building\u00a0a school family through playful connections and eye contact,\u00a0being of service to each other, and bringing attention to\u00a0all\u00a0acts of kindness in the classroom, making kindness the\u00a0focus and goal.<\/p>\n